It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager, featuring updates from people who had their letters answered in the past. Here are five updates from past letter-writers.
1. My boss is dating his former assistant, who still works here
A few months after you posted my letter, things came to a head between me and the two of them. They wanted me to cover for them and hide the fact that they were going on vacation together. I told the former assistant I was very uncomfortable with this and at that point she came clean to me about the situation: they started a relationship a few months before her promotion (although I have a hunch it was even earlier!) and the reason for the promotion was so that there would be no conflict of interest in the reporting line. They didn’t want the office to know but she admitted they did a bad job of hiding it.
After she told me, they became even more comfortable talking about their personal lives at work (they live together, travel together, etc.) and although people continue to be uncomfortable, there is really not much to do about it since he is the CEO.
I continue to work here despite how uneasy I am. It’s hard because there is obvious favoritism and the former assistant can’t seem to let parts of her former role go. Things are extra complicated at the moment because I just found out I am pregnant and am not in a position to leave my current role or find another role. So my plan is to bide my time until the baby comes and see what makes sense at that point!
I appreciate you posting my letter. Your advice to continue to push for what I need to do my role effectively is sometimes hard to follow through on, but it gave me the confidence knowing I am not the one out of line in this situation!
2. Coworker keeps sticking out his tongue on Zoom meetings
I followed the advice to not say anything and continued to say nothing. A month after writing in, the organization underwent major restructuring and I was reassigned to a new manager.
My former manager apparently did something weird (unclear if related to tongue flickering), leading to HR interviewing several of us on the team about alleged inappropriate behavior towards another male colleague. I wasn’t given any further details than that. Another male colleague told me my former manager yelled at him and walked away shouting profanities, but he decided not to report it.
Other than that, my former manager seems increasingly unwell and has admitted to experiencing AI psychosis. He often talks about wanting to replace people’s jobs with AI despite his role being particularly vulnerable to AI. I will say that he’s stopped sticking his tongue out in meetings though. I hope he finds peace.
3. Know-it-all coworker talks over everyone (and is often wrong)
As several of your readers (and I) predicted, Sam was promoted and is now our supervisor. They skipped her several levels up the hierarchy to promote her. She was the only person to apply for the job — word about the morale, or lack thereof, at our office is well-known in our industry. (I applied for the same job in the past and turned it down twice, because the unrelenting schedule and miniscule pay raise, combined with the switch to nonexempt status, equated to a massive pay cut and no personal life. I am very happy with my choice.)
Upper management continues to be dazzled by Sam and has not asked anyone in my department how things are going, nor are they open to hearing any such concerns. Sam continues to overstep and to believe she knows everything. I interact with her as minimally as I can while remaining pleasant. It is clear she wants a social relationship with us, but others in the department are just as annoyed by her one-upmanship, talking over people, answering questions that are not directed at her, and giving unsolicited advice to others. She pries for details about people’s medical appointments, gives unwanted parenting advice, and badgers us for the details of our weekend plans. She has suggested we do team-building events at her house, and even though she bragged about getting a private office, she has come into our workroom literally saying, “I’m lonely, include me.” In addition to her personally off-putting behavior, most of us prefer to avoid close friendships with our managers as a matter of course. Being the supervisor has introduced a natural separation that she is unhappy with, but one that she also can’t really push back on. So nobody on our team really socializes with her to the extent she wants.
Because Sam is now the supervisor, we all feel less able to be blunt when she talks over people or gives wrong information. I do politely speak up when she tells new employees incorrect info, because I am senior in my department and the information is independently verifiable. Sam has also been fact-checked many times by other middle managers in other departments. She will never publicly admit she was wrong about something, but new employees tell me she has had to backpedal hard on some of the incorrect processes and rules she has taught them. The newer employees have all gathered that Sam is often incorrect and use their own judgment or ask other senior staff for guidance. When Sam barges into social conversations, we do feel more free to ask her please not to interrupt, or to pointedly pause, give a knowing look, and continue, “So as I was saying…” She is pushiest with the newer staff, and has realized she will not get any traction with those of us who are senior. It’s exhausting, but for various reasons I cannot change jobs at the moment, so I am making judicious use of headphones and cherishing my few work-from-home days.
4. Resigning when I’m on my honeymoon
Thank you so much for your advice. It was really reassuring to me and I kept it in my back pocket my entire honeymoon. However…
About a week into my honeymoon, I emailed the hiring manager to remind her that email would be the best way to reach me because I was traveling internationally. She said thank you, and then I was ghosted for probably over a month. Then their HR followed up with me to let me know they had interviewed several people but had decided not to hire anyone for the position because they didn’t know what they were looking for.
That was kind of a bummer, and I wanted to write back to you when I had better news. So, good news! My last day at my current job is this Friday. I’m good to go on documentation because I wrote up so much in case I had to quit during my honeymoon. And I’m excited for what’s ahead! Thanks so much for your advice! And your book was so helpful for preparing for my interviews. Thank you!
5. My old employer wants me back
I did end up turning down the counter and taking the new job. My previous employer reached out to me weekly asking if I would come back — offered me even more of a pay increase and a full hybrid schedule. When the practice manager found out about it, she was livid and jealous that he was offering this to me without her knowledge, and she ended up conducting interviews and hiring somebody else behind his back (I wasn’t going back either way). From what I hear, the person isn’t doing so well, but that’s no longer my problem. I definitely dodged a bullet, and I couldn’t be happier with my current company.
